I’ll eat worms…

11 Jan

Being an adult sucks for the most part. Yeah, I can stay up as late as I want, I can sleep with a boy (LMAO) and I can do other “fun” adult things.  Otherwise it really blows.  The sleeping thing, being able to stay up late now comes naturally.  My entire family is passed out in the beds, including the dog who is snoring, but not me. I lay in said bed with said boy and stare.  I toss and turn and flip and flop and stare.  I get up to go pee; I lie back down and stare.  Finally midnight or one comes around and I doze off.  Staying up late sucks ass. 

 

But the decisions and every day mundane-ness (is that a word?) is what kills me.  Get up come to the computer. Check in on www.WhatsScrappening.com, check in on my MOP girls, check gazillions of emails and email addys then read up on all the adoption blogs I read.  After that it’s usually 10-ish and I go do dishes or start the laundry. Then its shower time and right back to the computer for a few more hours.  More laundry, tending to Kenna (Momma I’m hungry, for the millionth time of the day) then starting dinner.  I have this routine and I’m really hating it right now.  I’m stuck in a rut!  Luckily, not that I’m really thrilled, but I start back to school on Tuesday.  Whoopee…school.  I’m semi-looking forward to going back and seeing the people I have become friends with during the last year.  I’m looking forward to learning new things, but I’m also scared of learning new things.  I must be stupid for being an Accounting major! I knew I was in trouble when a friend who has her Associates in Accounting said “uh, good luck” when I told her I was getting the BS in the same. She’s now just about finished with her Finance bachelors.  Maybe I should have gone with Business Management, lord knows I have a business, and I could learn to manage it! LOL…oh well.

 

Decisions are made daily around my house; What’s for dinner?, Should I do laundry today or tomorrow?,  How should I reprimand Kenna for arguing with me and talking back already?  But we’re fighting with huge decisions recently.  Not that dinner isn’t huge, or clean clothes, or the rearing of my child, but we’re talking HUGE decisions that could change the course of our lives and others too.  Sean has an interview this weekend.  We’re both excited about the opportunity and the door that this could open.  I’m not so excited about the distance it would take us from our families…we’re already far enough.  We go where the job is though, that’s the fun of his profession, but I miss being close to family.  This job would pay more and be another stepping-stone in my husband’s repertoire, and I am proud of him. I guess we’ll just see how Saturday goes for him.

 

Then comes baby.  Ah, yes, I haven’t posted about our quest for adding another child into the family in a while.  After more discussions we’ve made a list:

·        Surrogacy

·        Adoption

·        Melanie trying to have another naturally

Short list really, but strong nonetheless.  I’m pretty sure that #3 should be crossed out. Wanting to try to carry another child is stupid and I know that, not to mention selfish, and I know that too.  So, check that one out.  Surrogacy and Adoption are two very possible ideas and plans.  We have two people that would be willing to carry our baby(s).   We’ve already talked to each of them, not too seriously but brought up the subject.  It’s so hard to ask someone to do this. I mean, how do you start the conversation, “So, is your uterus occupied, or can I borrow it for a while?”  Whew…then the costs. Why does everything always go back to that?  Just like adoption I know we could get the money, but what is more important to us?  Having our own biological child or helping make a future for a child that may not have one otherwise?  I don’t want to adopt just because it seems like the right thing to do, I want to adopt because I FEEL it’s right.  And I’m not sure if I have those feelings just yet.  Adoption is a guarantee, yes there’s a wait, but we’d know after it all we’d have a baby, eventually. But surrogacy, not so much. Even after a few cycles we may never get a baby that way.  What if the surrogate loses the baby, not only would we grieve, but so would she, because the people we’re talking to would feel guilty and grieve with us.  Do we want to put someone else’s life in a tizzy for a year or so?  Oh, the decisions…

 

I’m threatening to pack up and run-away, like we did when we were kids…I’ll eat worms.

 

 

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8 Responses to “I’ll eat worms…”

  1. karen January 11, 2007 at 12:09 pm #

    Worms are very good for you, I hear. As are grasshoppers. But why don't you go out to dinner instead? ;-}

  2. MelPate January 11, 2007 at 12:10 pm #

    LMAO! Sounds like damn good advise! Thanks Karen! LOL BTW, congrats on Gringo, I've been following his saga!

  3. The Baby Monologues January 11, 2007 at 6:47 pm #

    Oh, Mel- Surrogacy is such a *beautiful* thing! (As is adoption.) I know someone who recently acted as a surrogate for a good friend who struggled after several miscarriages and failed adoption attempts. When it came time for delivery, the natural parents were in the room cheering her on as she labored intensely with their little one. Once the beautiful babe was born, the doctor went to put her in the surrogate's arms and she just shook her head and smiled- pointing to the natural parents so that they could hold her first. (ok, even typing that is emotional for me, I always cry when I tell that story- I'm such a sap.) I can't begin to imagine the emotional toll it would take on your family and the surrogate's, but I know what an amazing thing it would be for all once you get your baby in your arms. Whether it's a baby of your own or a baby the universe leads you to, I know it will be the right thing. Thinking of you!

  4. MelPate January 11, 2007 at 6:49 pm #

    Aw, that was beautiful. Thank you for the wonderful words of encouragement! I guess I needed that! 🙂

  5. dream January 17, 2007 at 4:13 pm #

    If you fry the worms, I think they'll taste pretty good! 😉

  6. MelPate January 17, 2007 at 6:07 pm #

    Mmmm…fried worms! LOL

  7. hydrogeek January 19, 2007 at 3:41 pm #

    I am so sorry you're having to face this kind of difficult decision. I know the people who have volunteered to carry for you love you very much and would be honored to do it, but you're right, the decision has to be made because you FEEL right about it. I know my hsband was a lot less willing to raise a ne who non-biological child than I was, and that's something that has to be considered, too. You're not the only one who has to be feeling it. If you want to talk, call anytime. I'm praying for you guys.

  8. Yvette Ivy February 17, 2007 at 11:46 am #

    The people who offered to be a surrogate wouldn't have done so if they didn't mean it with all their hearts. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. If you do run away, run here 'cause I've found a new place to get kick-ass margaritas.
    Love you bunches and bunches and bunches.

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