It’s been a while…

19 May

Sorry 'bout that!  It's been a month and I have to admit, it's been a great month!  What's Scrappening had a GREAT National Scrapbook Day crop.  We hosted one in person and one online.  Bunches of fun was had by all.  We're also gearing up for CHA in July.  It'll be our first time to CHA and our first time to Chicago, I know I'm looking forward to it. 

 

My best friend from 7th grade (yeah, we've been friends for more than half our lives now!) graduated from college while I was up in Tulsa too.  I am so proud of her, I mean she's got two kids, husband, house and was working on her own business too while wrapping up college.  It takes a strong person to do that and she's my inspiration and what I look to when I'm in school.  Not only is she a wonderful friend, whom I can call and BS or cry to, but she's damn smart and has a wonderful head on her shoulders too.  Seeing her walk across that stage when they called her name got me.  I got teary-eyed.  Surprisingly I didn't cry, but the sting of tears was present.  I kept telling her that I was jealous of her and making jokes about me taking forever in school, but that's not all I was feeling.  I was feeling pride, respect, happiness and even relief.  Pride: she's my friend, she's Fritter and will always be Fritter.  Respect: that she did it and she did it well!  Happiness: reaching that milestone and seeing her smile on that stage even from where we were.  Relief: she did it and I know I can too.  I just have so many words and feelings about that day and I say them all with a smile on my face, a tear in my eye and a giggle in my voice because she did it and I'm honored to call her my best friend.

 

Before that Tulsa trip I had finally come to the conculsion that I needed mental help.  Yeah yeah, insert joke here!  But I really honestly did need help and Sean helped me see that.  Every year we've been married we've had something go terribly wrong or change drastically and the last blow was in October when my fertility was ripped from me as I sat in that doctors office.  I didn't realize how much that all had piled on me or hurt me, I kept it deep down and rarely realeased it.  It came to a head and I had to do something before losing my family; child and husband.  I made an appointment with my family practioner and told him everything I was feeling from the depression, the tiredness, the horrible headaches and aches and pain to the not wanting to leave the house for fear something would happen to Kenna or me.  It was one of the hardest things to tell someone, to let them know what's deep in your head and heart and know that those feelings are not "right" but knowing someone needed to know or else you'd explode.  I tell you all here because I think mental health issues need to be out in the open, there's such a taboo around them that it's unfair to those suffering because it just adds to the pain.  My doctor was/is wonderful.  He listened attentively, asked questions about how long I've been feeling like this, what I've been through and what I want to do to help myself.  He finally dignosed me with Depression and Generalized Anxiety Disorder and put me on meds.  I won't go into which one but if you're feeling the way I was and want to know what is working for me, please PM me and I'd be happy to tell you which.  He gave me a month of samples of my happy drug and told me to find a councelor.  I also explained that I don't want to be on my happy drugs for forever, we agreed that 6-8 months of the happy drug therapy would be just fine, but we'd discuss that at 6 months.

 

I've been on the drugs for almost one month now and I'm finally myself again.  I'm happy, I go places with Kenna, I'm enjoying my daughter and she's enjoying her new (old) momma.  This is the best thing I've done in a long time and I'm ready to take the world head on.  I'm ready to be a good wife and mom again, I'm ready to graduate, I'm ready to kick ass at the business and I'm ready to be ME!  I've been through a hell of a lot, too much for any person if you ask me and it's ok to get help.  So, please know that any type of mental health issue is NOT an issue!  Talk to someone you trust and get the help you need, you'll be surprised how wonderful you feel.

 

I've cried while typing this because it is still hard to talk about these things.  I still feel, but I'm coping much better than I ever was.  The drugs have some not so fun side-effects.  Profuse sweating (and in South Texas in the summer that's so not what a woman needs!), lack of sex-drive, difficulty in reaching orgasm, dry mouth, etc…but I've decided that sweaty sex that lasts longer 'cause I can't climax easily isn't such a bad thing! LMAO!

 

 

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2 Responses to “It’s been a while…”

  1. hydrogeek May 21, 2007 at 9:11 am #

    I'm glad you got the help you need. Don't ever be ashamed to ask for help! I don't know anybody who has gone through the things you have, and still maintained your outlook on life. You are an inspiration to me!

  2. Butterfly Baby May 22, 2007 at 1:41 pm #

    Good for you to know that you needed an extra push. Happy pills are a great way to get control of your emotions so you can sort through your thoughts and MOVE ON!!! Thank you for sharing this personal trip! I know how hard that can be!

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