3 Jan

I've noticed some huge differences in this pregnancy than my 5 previous ones.  To be honest, it's nice to have this one so different than those others, maybe that means all is well for real! LOL

1. Sickness…oh the sickness that I still have at 20wks

2. Movement…this child is moving so much more than any other one I've had, it's great!

3. My mental state…I've always been very nervous being pregnant, I mean who the hell can blame me right?  But this time I've been calm from the first u/s at 6-ish weeks.  I freaked right after the BFP but then seeing his h/b so early it calmed me. 

4. Seeing a "real" doc…I've had a few docs.  The first one I ever had blamed me for Avery's death.  The second doc I had was a good doc when you're a normal pregnant woman.  He should never see anyone with any problems getting pregnant, being pregnant or with losses.  I believe because of his ignorance I almost lost Kenna and I almost died with Jackson.  Seeing an MFM has been a Godsend.  The man KNOWS what he's doing and I'd trust him with my life (well, shit I am).  He's seen the bad of pregnancy, he's delivered stillborns, he's been around shitty pregnancies, that's all the dude does and it makes me feel great.  Knowing I'm not alone, knowing that I'm in wonderful hands and knowing that I can ask/say anything and he's heard it before.

5. The way I'm carrying Jaylon.  This one is really strange.  I am not a cute pregnant person, never have been.  I get wide.  I'm still growing wider, but I have a ball of a belly which has never happened before.  It looks like I have a very large ball under my shirt.  I don't look cute by anymeans, this pregnancy is kickin' my ass (due to the sickness I'm sure) but I look cuter than I have during any pregnancy! LMAO! 

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