Wow…I’m going to complain and stuff

22 Mar

It's funny really, every time I complain about being pregnant I feel guilty.  Like I shouldn't be annoyed that I'm miserable because I'm doing so well and so is Jay.  I should feel blessed that I'm pregnant and for once having a "normal" pregnancy.  And trust me, I am blessed, but a girls gotta complain sometimes, right?

Even with all the kicks and the moves that make me smile and bring a tear to my eye it's hard to be completely happy all the time with this.  I'm miserable.  I feel huge, when Jay moves it hurts now.  The constant BH contractions and irritated uterus hurt like hell (it's like my uterus is getting tired of all this too so any movement takes the pain over the edge).  The unrelenting searing back pain combined with pelvic pain make it almost impossible to sleep and get up to pee a gazillion times a night doesn't help.  This gestational diabetes sucks, even though I'm "cheating" more (it's not really cheating, I'm just learning what I can eat now and still have great BS numbers under 100).  There are days I just want to cry, hell I had one the other night after hearing from mom (she had to have another stint put in under "surprise" conditions), I just went to bed and bawled for a few hours…I needed that.  I'm anxious for Jay to be here so I don't have to worry about him moving or lack-thereof.  My belly feels like it's going to explode, it's so tight.  Jay is nestled in under my ribs so eating is almost impossible except for a few bites here and there and when he moves it feels like he's going to break a rib.  None of my other kids have been this "high" before and damn it hurts.  Then when a contraction comes it feels like he's going to come shooting out of my vagina or my ass hole…either one. 

I'm almost 32 weeks…will be on Monday.  32 weeks, I never thought I'd make it this far ever again and now that I've had my steroids I'm ok with Jay making his appearance a little early (not THIS early though).  I'm so thankful that I've been truckin' along for 32 weeks now.  I mean, with my history that in and of itself is a frickin' miracle.  I'm thankful that Jaylon is doing good and so far liking my womb, even though he is constantly rearranging the furniture, aka my ORGANS.  Inspite of the little scare a few weeks ago, I really feel like he's going to stay put until 37 wks.  I say 37 weeks because I feel like my water will break and totally ruin the 38wks c-section we'll have scheduled! LOL…He gets the hiccups all the time, at least 3-5x a day!  I can feel it right under my sternum, where his little butt is.  When his hiney is hitting my ribs, his head is banging against my cervix making for some seriously funny times and what I'm sure are funny facial expressions made by me.  On a good day my "kick counts" are easy…10 movements in 2 hrs…yeah try 10 movements in 2 minutes.  The boy has ADHD.  These movements I will miss soon.  When I start to realize I'm missing them is anyone's guess…it may be May or it may be a few years down the road.  But I'll miss them.  I've never had them with my other babies…never like this, I never knew what to miss.

Nesting has also kicked in.  I seriously need a maid, to scrub scrub my house.  Sean and I can "clean" it, but I want someone to scrub it…I mean SCRUB…get it…do you think I mean scrub?! LOL  I washed baby clothes today and ooh'd and ahhh'd over how small they are.  You forget.  Even Sean was ahh'ing over the baby socks!  And he's not an ahhh'er!  We finally got baby stuff, a pack-n-play with a basinette.  We all know Jay will not sleep in a crib in his own room for a while, I'm not gonna lie.  So a PNP is a great compromise, he's not with us in bed, but he's right next to me.  We also got the travel system with car seat, 'cause ya know you can't leave the hospital without a carseat. We do have a few onesies and sleepers now, we have some onesies that Ma got too.  We have a few packages of diapers and wipes.  We also have bottles and some formula even though I'd really like to exclusively pump.  I'm very turned off by breastfeeding the more I think of it.  Kenna did it to me.  With my freaky nipples (sorry about the nipple talk again Dad), they are inverted, and with Kenna having GERD it was the most horrible experience.  While I know each kid is different, etc…I don't want to even try to breastfeed.  I do, however, want to pump all of the feedings.  I have the formula in case I can't pump, can't get a supply going and I need to suppliment, I have no problem with formula whatsoever.  But have you priced a good hospital grade pump recently…HOLY SHIT!  I may try and find a place I can rent one but I have no idea what price renting one is.  So I may just go with a professional grade one (I'm liking the Playtex Embrace, or something like it) for the beginning to see how I do.  So, I do feel prepared if he comes soon.  We have what we need, nothing extra right now and I'm OK with that.  I'd like more clothes and burp cloths and blankets but that is stuff I can pick up a package of when I head to the store each time.

So, basically this hellatiously (is that spelled right?) long post is me rambling.  Seriously, if you made it to the end you deserve a frickin' medal!  I hope the post doesn't come off as me whining the entire time.  Yes I'm miserable, but in a strange way, I'm so stoked to be so damn uncomfortable! 

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4 Responses to “Wow…I’m going to complain and stuff”

  1. deputysgirl March 22, 2009 at 9:17 am #

    Honey, it's not a whine – you're just massively pregnant! Whoopee for that! It's so great to know that you and Jay are OK and going to stay that way. I'm glad that you got some of the stuff that you needed. If I were any closer, I'd come and scrub for you, and trust me, I can scrub. Ask Vette, she swears that's why she's such a lousy housekeeper. 🙂 As it is, I'm just thankful that you're keeping us up to date. Hang in kid, you're nearly there. Please teach Sean how to blog so that he can post newborn pics right after they happen! Can't wait to see that boy………..hugs to you all.

  2. hydrogeek March 23, 2009 at 11:22 am #

    I'm so glad you've made it to the hugely uncomfortable stage! May I just pipe in here with a few recommendations? (Like I'm gonna keep my mouth shut.) I've used the Ameda Purely Yours double electric pump with both my kids, and it is great. I've also heard great things about the Medela Pump In Style. Apparently Ameda pumps are what WIC gives out. I've also noticed that both my kids wouldn't really sleep except on my chest for the first few weeks, and then after that some kind of little bassinet thing that swings a little was a godsend. I've been using Isaac's PNP as a changing station, but he's never slept there very well. Your milage may vary, of course. I'm so excited about Baby J!Hope your mom is doing ok! Tell her I'm thinking about her, I didn't know about the surprise stint.

  3. MelPate March 23, 2009 at 1:42 pm #

    It's funny 'cause Kenna slept with us for YEARS! And on my chest for months after she was born too. I'm not sure why I'm so sure Jay will be different…hell he won't be! LOL. I need to look into that Ameda pump, I've never heard of them. Thanks babe! Oh and I'll tell mom you're thinking of her…she's been having some chest pains for years now and had 2 stints put in but this third one was while she was traveling, so it shocked me, and freaked me out! You know me and my momma…we're tight!

  4. hydrogeek March 23, 2009 at 1:45 pm #

    Poor Isaac doesn't even have a room, just a cradle in our room. He sleeps in it pretty well, after that first month of sleeping on me, anyway! I decided after all the crap we had for Dora that she never or hardly ever used we were doing this baby minimalist! I will say that the Bumbo chair is awesome once they get a couple of months old, and not too expensive.I hope that's the last of your mom's stint adventures!

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