Compromise is a bunch of bullshit

16 Feb
* This post will probably piss off some people, so just get ready for it.  Also, this entire post will sounds like “husband bashing” and some of it is.  But also know that my husband is one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me and I cannot and do not want to imagine my life without him.  I love him with all of my being.

I hate compromise.  I do it to make people happy (see: my husband).  I do it because I think that’s what I’m supposed to do to be a good wife.  I do it because that’s what adults do, right?

But I’m tired of it.  I’m spoiled.  I’ll admit it to anyone.  And compromising for most if not all of my marriage does not jive well with me getting what I want.  LOL  I know this sounds totally juvenile and wrong and it may be wrong to say all this but dammit, it’s how I feel.

I move where my husband needs me to.  Yes, he’s the breadwinner (see: ONLY breadwinner) so I WILL go where he needs or wants because it’s usually the best for the family money-wise.  I’ve never thought “ooh, I want to live in South Texas” but I did it, for my family.  I’m sure I bitched about it but I still did it.  I moved 8-9 hours from family to better my little family.  And honestly, I actually like it.  Summers suck and I miss my family in the panhandle and in Oklahoma more than I can bear sometimes, but I do like what this area has to offer.  When my husband moves up in his career and gets a new job, I’ll move where he needs then.

This weekend (Valentine’s weekend) was a huge compromise for me and I’m still not happy about it.  Sure, I got to see my mother-in-law and she got to spend some time with the kids.  But a time that should be romantic and sweet ended up being one of the worst weekends I’ve had in a long time and I’m still hurt over it.  My hubby is not romantic and sweet, he doesn’t give hugs or kisses without me asking or telling him to.  That’s Sean, as strange as it sounds, that’s what I love about him.  That’s who he is and while I’d love to hear “I love you” more or get a random kiss that makes my toes curl I’d still rather him be who is he than someone fake.  But one day out of the year (ok, so two really with our anniversary being the other) I want to feel special, I want to feel loved, I want to feel needed.  Instead this weekend my hubby went with a friend of his to get sports autographs (his hobby and I can’t complain as I have one too) and left me alone with the kids and a very emotional middle-aged woman.  I NEVER got a Happy Valentine’s Day.  I had to corner him in the kitchen for a hug.  I didn’t even get a fucking card!  Our Valentine’s “dinner” was takeout from a good restaurant eaten on TV trays in the living room.  Sean wanted to go this weekend and I said “sure” thinking, stupidly, that maybe we could go to a fast dinner/lunch without the kids (since my mil would be there and we NEVER get any time away from the kids).  Going this weekend was a compromise to make my hubby happy doing something he likes and I got screwed.

Our 10 year anniversary is in May.  I’ve been telling Sean for 7 months that I want to go somewhere and even asked my mom to come down and watch the kids so we could go.  Sean told me this weekend that he doubts we’ll go anywhere.  That hurt.  10 years is huge nowadays and he’s going to treat it just like a normal day when dammit…IT’S NOT!  I just said “fine” and figured we’d go out to eat with the kids and I’d just deal with it.  Another compromise.

I was supposed to go to a Christmas party with a friend of mine.  I was looking forward to it and Sean knew a month before that he was going to watch the kiddoes.  He told me a week before that someone was coming to town that he wanted to get their autograph and guilt-ed me into cancelling my plans and staying home so he could go out.  He did admit that he was being selfish and I completely agreed but let him go anyway and changed my plans.

I know these are petty things.  Things that you do have to do to have a long marriage.  Things that you do to make the person that you love with your entire heart (and have since the day you met him) happy.  I can deal with disappointment to make Sean happy and have him do what he likes.

Some days I just feel taken advantage of.


7 Responses to “Compromise is a bunch of bullshit”

  1. pinkknotes February 16, 2010 at 8:26 pm #

    *note to self, don’t get on Melanie’s bad side* Sorry to hear that your weekend sucked so bad. I totally know how you feel… you love him, but some days you want to bop him in the nose.

    I don’t think it’s petty, I think you are realistic and a woman and it’s completely normal to have these things/conversations/thoughts/bashings every once in a while.

    *raises right hand* I solemnly swear never to forget/ignore Valentine’s Days or anniversaries and I will not take advantage of you, unlesss it’s because you are holding a piece of chocolate high above my head and I need to get it. I won’t ask you to compromise, because, well, I am lazy and don’t push things. Maybe that’s why I’m not losing weight…

    Oops. I guess I rambled a bit.

    All that to say, *big hugs* and just take a breath 🙂

    • fourpates February 17, 2010 at 6:28 am #

      Thank you for the kind words that may or may not have made me tear up a little! LOL…but you still managed to make me laugh. It’s probably best you don’t get on my bad side, I hold grudges ’cause I’m a bitch like that! Thanks again for your awesome comment!

  2. Jean Ann February 16, 2010 at 9:01 pm #

    . Sweetie that is what us woman do is give in to them but it doesn’t have to be that way. Remember communication is the key. Sean will never change just like you wouldn’t want someone to change you. But you need to either talk to him about all of this or let it go or it will eat you alive. I have been there before twice and vowed not to do it again. I love you and will be happy to watch the kiddos in May just demand it and do it now and you make the arrangements cause I don’t think Sean will. Call me and let me know or if you just want to talk!

    • fourpates February 17, 2010 at 6:27 am #

      I know Ma and we do talk. But I’m still a little upset about this and it’s just going to take me some time. I love you.

  3. hydrogeek February 17, 2010 at 9:23 am #

    I agree with your mama. Make the plans in May, and inform him of them. That’s what I ended up having to do to get a honeymoon!

    • fourpates February 17, 2010 at 10:19 am #

      Yip, I think you’re right. Even if it is just to Fredericksburg or something.

      • hydrogeek February 17, 2010 at 2:36 pm #

        Exactly! Doesn’t have to be a big trip, just something for the two of you to spend some alone time! Hell, my Sean was talking to me the other day about getting a sitter for us to just go…uh…”check the cows!”

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