What the hell?!

10 Jul

Soooooooo, I’ve lost weight.  I’m under 200lbs and have been for a little while but now I feel comfortable telling people, I have a cushion in case I retain water next weigh in! LOL.  I can now fit into my size 16 pants and my XL shirts (I was in 20-22 pants and 2X-3X shirts). But I’m annoyed.

I still am a FAT ASS. I know, having 200lbs on a 5’4″ frame is less than ideal and I will be a fat ass until I hit 130 (which I will never be). But I feel better; I thought I’d look better too. Kenna took a pic of me the other day because “hello…I’m in a 16 AND I have makeup on!”…but I look like a gigantic chocolate chip. I can blame some of it on the fact that it’s taken from below (since Kenna’s shorter than I am) but that still isn’t all. I’m HUGE.

I’m kicking myself in the butt for letting my weight get this outta control. If I would have kept on top of it I would just have to lose 20 or so pounds, instead of 70+lbs. It’s all my fault.

My pants are falling off of me to the point that I’m always pulling them up. I had to make another hole in my belt even. I don’t really want to buy more clothes because I hope to not be in them for very long but until then I’m wearing tents with a too big belt.  Hell people, my rings are even falling off. I about lost my Mommy ring at ballet cause it’s so loose, so I went and got some of those “snuggies” to put into the ring to re-size it.

BUT I’M STILL FREAKIN’ MASSIVE!

I have a huge flap of belly that hangs over my c-section incision. My boobs make me look like I could be on National Geographic mag (much like my mother’s when we were in Vegas for her 50th!…I LOVE YOU MA!). You know your gigantic ta-ta’s need a lift and help when your hubby has to hold them up to play with them during sex! And yes…I just said that. I have to lift up my belly to clean under it and I have to heave my boobs into my bra. I need plastic surgery but for one thing don’t have the money and second I don’t want to until I hit (or get close to) my goal weight. I’m not sure how my husband even finds me attractive.

I’m losing weight so slowly that at this rate it’ll take me another YEAR to lose the effin’ weight and do you know how much that sucks?! I mean, COME ON!  I just am at this point that I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, or the 150lb Melanie. I know she’s in there but there’s too much fat in the way to see her.

* PS I am SO not posting the pic.

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One Response to “What the hell?!”

  1. hydrogeek July 13, 2010 at 12:49 pm #

    Keep on keepin’ on hon! You can do it! And I’m voting for posting the pic, even tho you said no! I bet the rest of us will see things a lot differently than you do.

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