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Settling in

16 Sep

I’ve been working for over a month now. Yeah me! Things have finally settled down and I’m getting the hang of things too. I still don’t know the passwords to almost everything (and I probably won’t, they seem more guarded than Obama’s real birth certificate) and I still question myself a ton. My thinking is I’d rather ask a question before doing something wrong and having to re-do it. My days have been consisting of spreadsheets, phone calls and fixing student log ins. I’m actually ok with this since I’m a huge geek and I love a good spreadsheet. My supervisor trusts me enough to give me the original sheet and tweak it to how I see fit, which is nice.

But this week saw a change. I finally got to go out into the schools and help “teach the teachers”. I love this part of my job. I think I was a born teacher but never actually got my degree in it because teachers have to deal with paperwork, politics and state testing more than actually teaching our kids. So this is totally my calling. Yes it was frustrating, especially when someone who you think should know better doesn’t know how to even make a folder on their computer. Yes it’s frustrating, especially when I’m there to help the teacher and all she wants to do is complain about having to use a laptop (yes…someone complained about getting a mac book given to them!). Yes it’s frustrating, especially when I’m there to explain how to do something and the teacher wants me to look at their e-lesson plans and “how do I make them bigger when I print” when I’m not there for that at all. And sure, I went back to the office all snarky and bitchy. And sure, my co-workers laughed and told me “welcome to the dark side” and that I was officially past the “honeymoon phase”. And sure, I laughed right along with them because, well, because it’s true.

Even with all that, I LOVE IT! I get to go back out to the school this week and work with a couple more teachers, then at the end of the 6 weeks I get to go back to them and finish up our project. I get to see something to completion. These teachers were completely clueless and bleary-eyed at the end of August; they had no clue what we were doing and why we were changing it and what the end result would be. Now, I’ve seen light bulbs go off, I’ve actually SEEN it click in their face and eyes when they “get it”. I can’t wait to see their faces when we’re done with this portfolio and have it personalized and uploaded and it’s done for this six weeks.

I also got to play with more technology than I’ve ever seen or even knew existed. I get to play with even more soon as I’m a technology guinea pig and I get to teach more teachers how to use this great technology that we’re getting for them.

So, in a way, I am “teaching” students. I’m reaching them and hopefully making their scholastic years easier/more fun/better because I’m helping the people who shape their lives.

Alrighty, enough sap.

Since going to day care Jay has been a pain in the tushy-wushy. He’s finally been getting a little better with the fit-throwing but he still isn’t listening. I’m thinking this is more of a 3-year-old boy thing than an “acting out because mom left me in day care” thing.

Kenna…oh Kenna. She’s moody, she’s argumentative, she’s moody, she’s moody and most of the time she’s moody. That’s all there is to say about that.

I hit my half-way point goal weight this past week! Woo hooo! Then the next week I gained less than a pound. I’m afraid to say it’s a “plateau” because it’s only been one week but I’ve heard that happens when you get to about halfway. I need to shake things up if I stay the same or go up this week. Not sure how I’m going to do that just yet, but I’ll figure something out. But 40lbs since April is pretty damn good and I think I’ll hit my goal weight in March. I’m so proud of myself. This is the first time I’ve lost this much by myself. I’m doing this on my own, without some “clinic” type of place standing behind me. I’m proving to myself and my willpower that I can do it, I can do it slowly and do it right.  I’m in a size 14, a size L shirt and I even had to buy new panties because my old ones are falling off.

So, I guess you could say that the past four weeks have been pretty good for me. Not only am I gaining confidence in myself and my work but I’m losing my fat!

Time is moving too quickly

8 Aug

Ever have one of those OMG moments? I did tonight.

Even though I think of my angel babies every day I forget sometimes how old they’d be. The days they were each born plays in my head like a movie daily. Yet, they don’t age. I can remember the day we found out about Avery and the day she was born like it happened just yesterday. The pain isn’t there as badly any more; you learn how to cope with it so it’s easier. The day from hell when Jackson was born still stings, the fear I felt is still there and the sense of no control still haunts me. I remember waking up with a damn tube in my throat and the panic I felt when they sucked it out and finally pulled it out because the respiration tech person didn’t bother to tell me what to expect.

Because I still feel all that, it’s hard to believe it’s been almost 8 years. EIGHT years.

And it’s not just with my angels. I feel the same way sometimes with my kiddoes here on Earth. Kenna is 10, where the hell did this decade go? Jay, my sweet baby Jay, is no longer a baby.

Heck, I even remember my wedding day and being so hot in my dress before the ceremony and kinda freaking out a little too. So I guess it’s not just my kids that I wonder where the time went.

Even though I feel like the years have flown, I still feel young. Forgetting all the time how old I am and constantly asking Sean or doing the math. Does everyone do this or am I just losing my mind?! LOL

I think in terms of “how much longer”. I have 6 years till my girl drives and 8 until she graduates and, hopefully, leaves the nest to grow her own wings. Then I think…wow when she’s 16, Jay will be 9. I won’t need a babysitter anymore in a few years either! But geeze, when Kenna is gone what will it be like to have one kid at home again? He’ll only be 11, will he be happy that big sister is gone or will he be bummed because his buddy is leaving?

It’s too much sometimes. And I’ve decided they both need to stop growing! LOL 🙂

So many things going on

22 Jul

The past month has been kinda crazy. I guess we always seem to be running around like insane people but the past bit has been crazier than normal. We went to visit family in KC the first of the month. We were there a week and had a great time. The past few years we haven’t seen much of that side of the family because we (at the time) lived 13 hours away and were broke as hell. Now we’re closer and not so poor. We had an amazing time and saw all kinds of KC attractions. On the rare day (1 day out of 7) that we didn’t do anything we stayed home, did laundry and swam in the pool. It was such a great time that it was difficult to leave this time.

Since being hom, I’ve had a couple meetings about my new job, fingerprinting done and a doc appt. Now we’ve got a wedding next week and a short trip to visit Nana and Grandpa (finally!). So, even though summer is winding down, our travels and busy-ness isn’t.

I start work on the 13th and I’m really looking forward to working again. After seeing my boss a couple times, she seems just as excited and I think we’ll get along well. I just hope I don’t let her or my co-workers down. I’m working in technology yet I have no formal training. I’m one of those people who just open a program and play until I figure it out and my boss knows that and she doesn’t seem worried but I am a little. Guess we’ll find out next month.

I also had to buy some new clothes for work. I haven’t worked in so long and even when I did my past employer let us wear jeans and t-shirts every day since we never saw customers so I have no “work clothes stash”. And even if I did, they wouldn’t fit. It’s exciting to buy new clothes and I don’t mind trying on things like I used to when I was so big but it’s also expensive and frustrating at times. Since I’m still losing weight I don’t want to spend a fortune on clothes now when I will not be able to wear them in a few months and have to buy more. So instead of buying 16’s (instead of the 22’s I used to wear! YEAH ME!) I’m squeezing into 14s because I know that in a month-ish they will fit better. But at the time being the 14s are snug and aren’t as flattering as I’d like. Guess you can call it motivation. LOL

Since we’re on weight loss topic, let’s update y’all. I started at *cough* 222lbs *cough*. I’ve hit a couple smaller, more short-term goals and am now at 28lbs gone. I notice myself wearing tank tops and shorts again. I also feel better about myself already, so I cannot wait till I get even smaller. I had my first non-family member asking me if I’ve lost weight and telling me I look good. It felt wonderful that someone who doesn’t “have” to say I look like I’m losing weight tell me so. I told her that I still had 50-ish lbs to go and she was amazed that I had that much left to lose. I just laughed and told her that I hide it well. According to the BMI charts, I’m still “obese” and I’m still fat, no doubt about that. But I’m almost at the point where I’m unable to shop in the big girl stores and can shop at regular stores again! Oh, it’s the little things people. I saw on Pinterest a neat way to visualize the weight and I’m going to do it when I have more than 5 minutes. It’s two jars; one labeled “left to lose” and the other “pounds lost”. You put a pebble or decorative rock for each pound in the “left to lose” jar and each time you lose a pound you put it in the “pounds lost” jar. I’m totally a visualization and tactile person and this would be perfect for me to see the pounds coming off. I had to cut back on working out, so my weight loss has slowed down a little but I’m still losing a smidge weekly. I do miss working out more though. I was 5-6 days a week for over an hour each day (between cardio and weights). Now I’m about 3-4 days and had to cut back to 30 mins of cardio. I’ve been doing a sit-up app I found for my phone and I love it. I’m pretty impressed with myself on those, however the push-ups…I can’t even do one of those damn things. Maybe in time I can.

I’ll leave you with a couple pics of our KC trip.

Yeah, that was me. Pt. 2

25 Jun

Years ago I wrote a post that kind of made me giggle when I went back to re-read it today. I like it because it is just SO ME. You can read it here: http://thefourpates.com/2010/09/09/yeah-that-was-me/. So, I decided to do a part two today, just to get back into the blogging swing of things (and because my Ma commented that she missed me blogging (I mean, how sweet is that woman?)). Without further ado, Yeah that was me Pt. 2:

So, yeah that lady sweating profusely and turning red while Zumba’ing, that was probably me.

I was also probably that lady on the stationary bike who forgot to brush her teeth before hitting the gym at 5:30am, sue me…I’m barely awake.

Oh and the fatty in front of the fan during Zumba who accidentally tooted…yeah, that’d be me too. Just be happy I didn’t eat a bunch of eggs for my protein that day.

I’m probably also to blame for farting on the elliptical too…whoops. But everyone had in ear buds listening to music and it didn’t smell, so there’s that.

And let’s not forget that annoying sweaty lady working out her pecs who kept forgetting she wasn’t alone and had in ear buds singing a couple lines from a song, nope let’s not forget about her (cough…me).

So, yeah, that was all me but I’m also the sweatty, farty, singing lady who’s lost 23 lbs! Suck on that!

Holy crap, does this blog still work?

24 Jun

I mean, it’s only been a year and a half since I wrote anything. Guess that means I don’t have much of a life or a reader base anymore.

Let’s see, in the past 18 months what all has happened;
1. Stuff with kids
2. Stuff with family
3. Stuff with life

That pretty much sums that up. My kids are huge and I continuously tell my daughter to stop growing. The boy got rid of the paci and potty trained all in 6 months. I’m still a SAHM but hopefully not for too much longer. I have a job interview this week and I’d really like this job, mainly to feel like I contribute to the family and so I’m around adults again. Cross your fingers for me.

I’ve started on my weight loss journey again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, again. I KNOW! I tried to do the surgical route but my insurance decided to be assholes, so now I’m doing it the “old fashioned” way. I’ve been on the journey since early-April and I’m down 23lbs. I’m down 3 sizes and already feel better about myself. I work out 6 days a week and actually miss it if I don’t go to the gym. Which is completely 100% strange for me. My sis also now got me hooked on Zumba. I wasn’t sure I’d like it, but we went together at my gym while she was visiting and I’ve been back since (2x a week). I LOVE it. I love dancing (hello, have you read my blog?) and I feel so good/sweaty/accomplished when that hour is done. If I keep up this whole “blogging” thing that I suck at, I’m sure this will turn into a weight loss blog (yeah, another).

Family is awesome. I’ve never been happier and I love where I/we are right now. We did have a loss though. In January we had to put down our baby, Hopie, the shih-tzu. She helped me get through Avery’s (our first baby) death. Putting her down due to age and illness brought back that pain and it hurt bad. I hadn’t cried like that in a long time. We had gotten a Boston Terrier the summer before, so luckily we have her to love on, but we still miss our Hopie.

Health, eh. I’m healthier than I have been, I think. But the ankles still suck. I fell on Christmas Eve and broke a bone in my ankle and got another 3rd degree sprain. The good thing, the ER was surprisingly slow on Christmas Eve and so my wait time was nil. Saw an orthopod and was in a boot. All is well now. My RSD leg still hurts. Guess it always will. Temperature changes, socks, air, touching still suck too.

Hmpf, I guess that’s all. The way I write I may not be back until January 2014 and by then I’ll weigh 140lbs. Ha!

A friend

3 Jan

I have a friend whom I met almost 10 years ago, yet I’ve only ever seen her in person two times. We met on an online message board about pregnancy and infant loss. I was mourning the loss of Avery and wasn’t sure where to turn or what to do or how to think or…well, you get the idea, I was lost. In some sick way it was a comfort reading about these other ladies that were going through something similar to what I was, see; I wasn’t the only one dealing with this.

I’m not sure what made me read her story but I felt a blow to my gut when I read her story. Her full term son was born with an umbilical cord issue (I won’t even try to explain it), he lived for a few days and died in his mother’s arms. I felt so sorry for her that she and her hubby had to decide to disconnect life support for their son. I felt that she was going through something so much worse than I was. I sat and wondered what would be easier; a stillborn whom you never get to see alive or a full term baby who is a live for days (weeks, months) and you have to decide when the “right” time to say goodbye is.

The first time we met we sat up drinking, laughing and bawling by a hotel pool. We had this instant connection, something all the other mommy’s there with us couldn’t understand. I told her how I felt, how awful I felt for her. We hugged and cried and laughed and drank some more. She told me later something that I’ll never forget;

It does not matter how long you know your child; if you see them breathing, if they talk to you or if you feel them in your womb, they are still your child and it still hurts like hell when they leave.

So true.

So, here’s to Corbyn, my friend’s baby boy. He would be 10 years old today. You’ve touched more lives than you know and I thank you. Now, enjoy your birthday cake with Avery and Jackson for me.

I had this great blog…

1 Nov

But when I sat down to write it and add pics of Halloween and the aftermath (see: dentist office) my external hard drive went freaky on me. I can see everything but it’s now read-only, so I can’t tweak any pics and such. I have no clue what happened. Luckily it’s all backed up but I’m about to give up on the damn thing.

I will have  a post up as soon as I figure out how to fix the damn thing!

Guess what this is?

19 Oct

A blog post! Can you even believe it?

Well, you shouldn’t. I was going to sit and blog like a good girl but just don’t have the energy right now. In the past 2 wks we’ve moved, cleaned the hell out of a nasty house, tried to get out of the “I’m moving into a house I don’t like” funk, drove 5 hrs to my sister (yeah!), then drove another 3 hrs to scrapbook all weekend, scrapbooked all weekend, drank wine like I was in a race to see who would finish the bottle first, nursed a hangover the next day while riding 3 hrs back to Sis’ house, then woke up the next day and drove another 5 hrs back home. I’m now back in the routine of mommy-hood, cleaning house and being a housewife and you know what…I’M EXHAUSTED.

I promise a real post this week, I need to catch you up on all the goings on from the past 2 wks; the fun stuff, the not-so-fun stuff and the REALLY shitty stuff.

 

Yeah, that was me!

9 Sep

* Note, if you’re looking for the giveaway of Persnickety goodness, go here!

So yeah, that was me at the Wal-Marts in the shirt I wore to bed last night.

Yeah, that was me with the greasy pony tail’d hair that hasn’t been washed since yesterday.

Oh and that was me who kept pulling my panties out of my tush because of the gigantic queen sized matress pad I am wearing today (thanks Auntie Flo).

And you can guarantee that that was me giving gift-giving advice to a woman in the toy isle while MY kid was screaming and had green snot running down his face.

That lady wandering around the Wal-Marts for 4o minutes (because her son’s prescription for a double-ear infection was being filled) talking on the phone about 2 month expired ham…sure that was me too.

If you saw me and didn’t say hi…I don’t blame you. But ya know what? At least I brushed my teeth and put on a bra, thankyouverymuch!

What’s new pussycat…whoa, whoa, whoa…

25 Jul

Oh yeah sing it with me…

Ok, so not really.  I just figured I haven’t blogged in a while, may as well do it tonight.

Let’s see, I finished the CK Summer Camp and had a blast. I did 5 pages, which is pretty good for me, had lots of fun and got some major positive feedback from some editors at CK! 🙂 Maybe one day they’ll publish me. Well, probably not, but let’s just go with it!

Jay is officially walking and trying to run already. From the moment he’s up he walks all around the living room (we have the other parts of the house gated off). He’s cracking me up, I forgot how funny new walkers look.

Kenna is good. I think she’s enjoying not being on the go all the time with softball and dance and everything. She misses softball more than dance, so I doubt we’ll go back into the dance studio with her. I’m ok with that, I think she wanted to dance more for me and the makeup than anything. She has softball tryouts for a select team next week.

Sean’s been busy. He’s got something coming up next week but I won’t talk about it here yet. For privacy reasons.

I’ve been thoroughly enjoying ballet each week. It’s like my body, although fatter, remembers what to do. I did get a wee-bit injured last week but I’m doing fine now. I’ll keep it up just be very careful with it.  The win biz is just about kaput. I have no leads, no tastings, no interest from it. I’m bummed because I was really enjoying it. I think August will be the end of it for me. I’m down more weight but it’s a teeny bit. I thought dancing again would help shake things up but not so much. I also think my Wii may not weigh correctly, since this week it said I gained .4lbs but then I held a gallon of milk and it said I lost 3lbs…sooooo I’m thinking…no! I’ll just base my weight loss on my clothes and how they are fitting.  My 16s fit well and my 18s are now falling off. I officially showed someone at the dollar store my panties the other day. Luckily it was the dollar store, I’m sure they’re used to white trash, so it wasn’t any big deal. I did almost fall though, they seriously fell that far down! Thankfully I had on clean and pretty panties! I feel better just wish it’d hurry and come off, I’m ready to be sexy again.

Hopie…well, she just needs a bath and go to the beauty shop. I need to get her rabies up to date so I can’t take her for 2wks after her shot…humpf.

I guess that’s all.