Tag Archives: growing up

Time is moving too quickly

8 Aug

Ever have one of those OMG moments? I did tonight.

Even though I think of my angel babies every day I forget sometimes how old they’d be. The days they were each born plays in my head like a movie daily. Yet, they don’t age. I can remember the day we found out about Avery and the day she was born like it happened just yesterday. The pain isn’t there as badly any more; you learn how to cope with it so it’s easier. The day from hell when Jackson was born still stings, the fear I felt is still there and the sense of no control still haunts me. I remember waking up with a damn tube in my throat and the panic I felt when they sucked it out and finally pulled it out because the respiration tech person didn’t bother to tell me what to expect.

Because I still feel all that, it’s hard to believe it’s been almost 8 years. EIGHT years.

And it’s not just with my angels. I feel the same way sometimes with my kiddoes here on Earth. Kenna is 10, where the hell did this decade go? Jay, my sweet baby Jay, is no longer a baby.

Heck, I even remember my wedding day and being so hot in my dress before the ceremony and kinda freaking out a little too. So I guess it’s not just my kids that I wonder where the time went.

Even though I feel like the years have flown, I still feel young. Forgetting all the time how old I am and constantly asking Sean or doing the math. Does everyone do this or am I just losing my mind?! LOL

I think in terms of “how much longer”. I have 6 years till my girl drives and 8 until she graduates and, hopefully, leaves the nest to grow her own wings. Then I think…wow when she’s 16, Jay will be 9. I won’t need a babysitter anymore in a few years either! But geeze, when Kenna is gone what will it be like to have one kid at home again? He’ll only be 11, will he be happy that big sister is gone or will he be bummed because his buddy is leaving?

It’s too much sometimes. And I’ve decided they both need to stop growing! LOL 🙂

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Kenna

20 Apr

In the mornings, I drop Kenna off at school.  We have a ritual…unbuckle, “I hope you have a wonderful Monday (or whatever day it is”, “learn alot”, then an “I love you fight”.  I say I love you she says it back, but we get louder and louder until the helper opens to door for Kenna to hop out.  It’s just our little thing, no matter how shitty the morning was.  Just like our nighttime ritual it’s something that I look forward to, something that I cherish and something that is just US.

But what makes me think is once she jumps out of the car and the door is shut behind her she walks all alone into the cafeteria.  Sometimes, like today, she’ll look back at me and wave feverishly until I wave back, other mornings she’ll just walk on in.  It’s sad to me.  Knowing that she’s walking in that room, filled with her peers and older kids, all alone.  She never seems phased by it, she knows what she’s doing now, not a lost little 1st grader.  She’ll come in and put her backpack by the wall with the others, then go stand in line for breakfast.  She’ll then find a table and chair that is open, hopefully with her friends.  But the sight of her walking in, her hot pink backpack bouncing up and down, just makes me think that she’s not a baby anymore.  I usually get teary when she turns around to wave, just that little gesture shows me that although not a baby, she still may need me a little bit longer.