Tag Archives: love

Holy crap, does this blog still work?

24 Jun

I mean, it’s only been a year and a half since I wrote anything. Guess that means I don’t have much of a life or a reader base anymore.

Let’s see, in the past 18 months what all has happened;
1. Stuff with kids
2. Stuff with family
3. Stuff with life

That pretty much sums that up. My kids are huge and I continuously tell my daughter to stop growing. The boy got rid of the paci and potty trained all in 6 months. I’m still a SAHM but hopefully not for too much longer. I have a job interview this week and I’d really like this job, mainly to feel like I contribute to the family and so I’m around adults again. Cross your fingers for me.

I’ve started on my weight loss journey again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, again. I KNOW! I tried to do the surgical route but my insurance decided to be assholes, so now I’m doing it the “old fashioned” way. I’ve been on the journey since early-April and I’m down 23lbs. I’m down 3 sizes and already feel better about myself. I work out 6 days a week and actually miss it if I don’t go to the gym. Which is completely 100% strange for me. My sis also now got me hooked on Zumba. I wasn’t sure I’d like it, but we went together at my gym while she was visiting and I’ve been back since (2x a week). I LOVE it. I love dancing (hello, have you read my blog?) and I feel so good/sweaty/accomplished when that hour is done. If I keep up this whole “blogging” thing that I suck at, I’m sure this will turn into a weight loss blog (yeah, another).

Family is awesome. I’ve never been happier and I love where I/we are right now. We did have a loss though. In January we had to put down our baby, Hopie, the shih-tzu. She helped me get through Avery’s (our first baby) death. Putting her down due to age and illness brought back that pain and it hurt bad. I hadn’t cried like that in a long time. We had gotten a Boston Terrier the summer before, so luckily we have her to love on, but we still miss our Hopie.

Health, eh. I’m healthier than I have been, I think. But the ankles still suck. I fell on Christmas Eve and broke a bone in my ankle and got another 3rd degree sprain. The good thing, the ER was surprisingly slow on Christmas Eve and so my wait time was nil. Saw an orthopod and was in a boot. All is well now. My RSD leg still hurts. Guess it always will. Temperature changes, socks, air, touching still suck too.

Hmpf, I guess that’s all. The way I write I may not be back until January 2014 and by then I’ll weigh 140lbs. Ha!


A friend

3 Jan

I have a friend whom I met almost 10 years ago, yet I’ve only ever seen her in person two times. We met on an online message board about pregnancy and infant loss. I was mourning the loss of Avery and wasn’t sure where to turn or what to do or how to think or…well, you get the idea, I was lost. In some sick way it was a comfort reading about these other ladies that were going through something similar to what I was, see; I wasn’t the only one dealing with this.

I’m not sure what made me read her story but I felt a blow to my gut when I read her story. Her full term son was born with an umbilical cord issue (I won’t even try to explain it), he lived for a few days and died in his mother’s arms. I felt so sorry for her that she and her hubby had to decide to disconnect life support for their son. I felt that she was going through something so much worse than I was. I sat and wondered what would be easier; a stillborn whom you never get to see alive or a full term baby who is a live for days (weeks, months) and you have to decide when the “right” time to say goodbye is.

The first time we met we sat up drinking, laughing and bawling by a hotel pool. We had this instant connection, something all the other mommy’s there with us couldn’t understand. I told her how I felt, how awful I felt for her. We hugged and cried and laughed and drank some more. She told me later something that I’ll never forget;

It does not matter how long you know your child; if you see them breathing, if they talk to you or if you feel them in your womb, they are still your child and it still hurts like hell when they leave.

So true.

So, here’s to Corbyn, my friend’s baby boy. He would be 10 years old today. You’ve touched more lives than you know and I thank you. Now, enjoy your birthday cake with Avery and Jackson for me.

Something I’ve noticed

25 Sep

I’ve never been on a CT before. I just never thought I was good enough or that a designer/store would even want to use my stuff. Then I submitted a few months ago, for the first time, and was chosen. This has been such a great experience, I’ve actually been able to scrapbook again because I know I don’t want to let the SUN down. But I’m totally enjoying it too, setting time aside for ME to do something I enjoy.

Since I’ve been digi scrapping for a few years, I’ve always had some “go to” designers. Their designs, colors, embellies, etc. just work for what I usually scrapbook. But now I get to see what else is out there, working with these amazing designers at SUN. There are some truly talented people out there and I think a huge chunk of them design and sell at SUN. I’m lucky enough to get to play with their designs and maybe work with someone I never would have thought about or even seen. Two designers that I absolutely adore are Cari Cruse and Meredith Cardall. I seem to gravitate toward their kits when the new releases come out. Sometimes, it’s like they designed a kit for me (they don’t) since I can think of a perfect picture for the kit.

Be sure to check out the amazing new releases for this week, and remember it’s 30% off this weekend so get ’em now. Find your fave designer or find a new one…who do you love?

And here’s my contribution this week from Meredith Cardall’s peace.love.happiness

I’m walkin

18 Jun

Well, he’s not really walking just yet.  He’s close and he’s loving walking behind a toy that Aunt Shell got him for Christmas. And so what if I was bored and feeling “crafty” the other night, this is what happens when I do (turn on your speakers, yo!):


And again, because WP is mean and won’t let us upload a video without paying an arm and a leg, you gotta go to Flickr and watch it there. Enjoy, watch it a few times, laugh because I do when I watch…I’m not sure if it’s the fact that he’s so proud of himself or it’s the music I chose but it just makes me giggle!

Where the hell?!

20 May

Ok, seriously…where did the past 10 years go?

I mean, ten years ago I was in Amarillo getting my hair did, ten years ago I was wondering around in a small town museum getting my make up on, ten years ago I was handed my Great-Gramma’s handkerchief,  ten years ago I was getting a heavier-than-it-looked white dress on, ten years ago I was kissing my dad’s bald head as he put a blue garter on my leg, ten years ago I started to freak out a little and had to sit down because I was hot (even though I was the only one sweating), and ten years ago I was walking down the aisle with my Mom by my side toward the most handsome man I know.

10 years = too many kisses and hugs to count = too many tears to want to count = 6 pregnancies = 4 births = 2 baby funerals = 2 healthy kids = too many moves to count = quite a few arguments = quite a few reasons for make-up sex = 3 mattress sets (HA!) = the most wonderful/trying/happy/wouldn’t-change-a-thing years of my life.

It’s amazing to look back on this past decade and see where we were, what we’ve been through and where we are now. Some days I think that 21 was so young to be married but then again why does it matter?  I knew I loved this man from our first date (a blind date at that!).  I wish I had that email I sent my mom after our date.  I’m sure she could tell by that short few sentence rambling that her daughter was head-over-heels.  I’ll never forget the proposal just 3 months from that email. He wanted it to be more special but it had been raining so going to the scenic canyon in our college town was out of the question, plus I had a heart monitor on and was feeling sorry for myself.  He didn’t know that no matter where he asked it would be special.  It was hard chosing the date we would get married.  I wanted it in May but that month for our families was difficult.  Sean’s dad had passed away in May and my step-sister had been killed in a car accident that month too.  Figuring out a date on a Saturday in May that wouldn’t always have negative thoughts was hard.  We managed to do so and the planning began.

In May 2000 we had a totally unconventional yet fun wedding.  We were outside by the museum in my small hometown, we stood in front of the old building that said “Justice of the Peace” which was fitting since we had a JP marry us!  My bridesmaids were barefoot…the poor girls I’m sure that was uncomfy.  I wore white tennis shoes that had been painted before at our rehearsal. I wore lavender ruffled socks even! After our short ceremony we partied at my grandparent’s house, which was also the house I lived in during high school. It was perfect…perfect for us.  Hell, we had a keg, which by the way, my mom stood by with her cigar and got schnockered!  Good times…

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Our honeymoon followed, we went to Cancun and had a blast. We played mini golf at our resort with gigantic lizards! I got sunburned pretty badly so that made sex interesting! LOL…(sorry Dad…I’m sure you didn’t want to hear that). The shitty part about the trip was our flight was messed up on the way home and we were stranded in the Mexican airport for a VERY long time.  Sean slept on the floor, I, however, couldn’t sleep because I was afraid I’d be stolen and sold for sex or some shit like that.  But we made it back home and began our crazy life together.

All this rambling is just that; rambling.  Smiling and laughing as I write this because I remember everything about those days.  Luckily the laughter hasn’t gone away.  Yes there’s more grey hair, my boobs sag to my waist, I have stretch marks that weren’t there 10 years ago, I also have 70lbs that wasn’t there in 2000 but there is more laughter, more kisses and more love than a decade ago.

Here’s to the next 10 years and the next and the next…

Gets me every time!

14 Apr

Sean and I met on a blind date in January 1999.  Just four months later we were engaged.

I didn’t think it was possible when we got married to love him more than I did then.  I was wrong.  Seeing him with our kids, seeing what a wonderful man/husband/father he’s become and watching him reach his goals makes me so proud to be his wife.  He turns me on when he wears his slacks, shirt and tie for work but then I think he’s hot when he’s wearing his softball practice ratty shorts and t-shirt.  I love his ass and how any time it’s near me I have to slap it.  I love his sense of humor, that’s what attracted me to him first.  He’s a quiet guy at first but once he opens up the laughter rarely ends.  I love his Forest Gump, his Sling Blade and any other voice he can do.  The looks he gives me sometimes are priceless and most make my knees weak.  We won’t even talk about his calves or how he hates it when I tweak his nipples (LOL)…swoooon!

But what really gets me…the one thing that every time I see it makes my ovaries spazz…the one image that makes me tear up every single time:


Seeeeee!  It’s that look; that crooked half-smile, the twinkle in his eye, the tuft of chest hair that Jay now pulls and the fact that he’s holding his newborn son. UGH…gets me every FRICKIN’ time, this picture!

Hell yeah…2lbs!

22 Mar

Don’t you hate when you have so many things running through your head to write a blog about then when you open your blog you can’t remember a damn one?!

Yeah, that’s me!

I know I wanted to write a post about my daughter turning 8 but I feel like I need to give it more time and thought.  I also have something in me about this past weekend.  I’m also sure there’s some words floating around about someone turning 31 this week (and that person just may be me!).  I’m certain that there’s a scrapbooking post in there too!

So, let’s talk about my diet then, ok?  I cheated, a lot, this weekend.  Not even gonna lie…I had cake, candy, cake, funnel cake, cake, wine and I capped that all off with some cake.  I did try to cut back on portions and I did drink my water, so that’s the plus.  But you see, we celebrated Kenna’s birthday (and someone else’s too) and so I had to have some of her cake.  Ma made it, so it was deeeee-lish and chocolate and I couldn’t say no!  I also didn’t work out at all during the entire week.




2 lbs!

I know it’s not much when you look at the fact that I have 68 more left…but it’s a start.  And I’m pretty proud of my 2lbs dammit because I know it would have been more had I stuck to the diet better and exercised but it showed me that even just cutting out most of my sweets, snacking between meals, drinking <1 diet dp a day and greatly reducing portion size really does work for me!  There is hope!

Oh and don’t let me forget to tell you about my Big Ass Cake!

Wow, where do I begin?

10 Mar

I mean, I’ve been MIA and I have no idea where to even begin on the update!  So, let’s see…

~ My ma and Chris came down for the weekend.  Chris had a bunch of meetings so we didn’t get to see him too much, unfortunately.  But we did get to spend Saturday with my ma.  We always have fun together, I don’t think it matters what we do or where we go.  We did get to baby sit their puppy, Zoe.  Chris and I went in together and got ZoeZoe for Ma for Christmas.  Boy is she a handful.  She’s spoiled and beyond cute.  Luckily she slept really well for us, better than Jay actually.  Kenna already misses her but honestly watching her is harder than watching a kid!

~ Kenna’s birthday is coming up.  It’s strange because we always have a party for her.  Hell, last year we took most of the family (the ones that could be here) to Sea World for the day.  This year her party will have to wait.  Because of spring break, St. Patrick’s weekend and a friend’s birthday she decided to have her sleepover in April.  Such a big girl to understand that things come up and come up with a compromise.

~ St. Patrick’s weekend.  I’m from a teeny-tiny town in the panhandle.  This town celebrates St. Pats…with a parade, carnival and all kinds of fun stuff.  Every year we go there and enjoy all that St. Pat’s has to offer.  Tons of my family comes and it’s like a mini family reunion.  We didn’t go last year because I was, oh, 32 weeks pregnant and no one wanted me to travel 8 hrs.  So, I’m ready to par-tay next weekend!

~ Jay rode in a big boy swing for the first time last night.  We were at Kenna’s softball practice and he started getting fussy.  So I took him over to the park and stuck him in the swing.  He giggled and smiled and giggled some more.  When he’d stop swinging he’d kick his legs and get fussy and it was hard getting him out!

~ I’ve been applying to every company I can think of in San Antonio.  Some positions I’m totally qualified for, some not completely.  I seriously have applied to 8 companies that I can think of, I know it’s more than that though!  I have two reasons why I’m not getting a call back (other than the economy and unemployment so everyone’s looking for a job)…1)I have no college degree. I’ve got over 100 hrs toward my BS but I don’t have the money to go back. 2)My work comp claim. I never thought of that until my dad said that some companies bay attention to that. UGH!

~ I have a large post about my weight in my head. I would add it to this but I think it deserves a post of its own.

Anywho, there you have some of the update.  I dunno if you’ll get the weight post tomorrow since it’s softball practice AND Grey’s and Private Practice night!  Thursday’s are a big night for me! LOL

I have a 9 year old angel

22 Feb

February 22, 2001.  It’s amazing how a day that was 9 years ago still brings tears to my eyes.  I remember it and the days leading up to it like it just happened.

Earlier that month I had gone to Florida to take the dance team I was coach of to Nationals.  I was 24-ish weeks pregnant.  We we came back I had a slight head cold and just felt blah.  Finally I just didn’t feel “right” and called my doc.  I was told to come in to make sure all was ok.  By this time I was 25wks and 6 days pregnant.  They did the doppler and found no heartbeat, and ultrasound was done and showed no flicker of a heart.  Luckily Sean was there with me because I was devastated.  We were told to have another ultrasound tomorrow to make sure our first baby girl had indeed died.

I remember calling my mom and telling her that her first granddaughter was gone.  They immediately got in the car and came to be with us.  I called my co-worker who came over to help me clean the house a smidge and to be there with us until my mom got there.

The next morning we had the ultrasound and the tech said the worst words any mother could ever hear, “I’m sorry”.  The doc told us we had a couple options; wait until my body realized that something wasn’t right and I went into labor on my own or to be induced.  We chose induction the next day since I wanted the experience over.

We went to the hospital in the morning.  Wednesday the 21st we started the induction.  Finally by that night nothing much was happening so we stopped the meds so I could eat and rest that night.  The next day we started up again and it went faster.  Delivering a 26wk baby, I didn’t need to be dilated to 10 and by the afternoon something had changed and the baby was coming out!  I was being wheeled into the delivery room and I couldn’t stop her from coming.  I remember asking for a hand to hold, I needed someone to hold my hands.  In that instant both hands were being held by my mom on one side and my sis on the other.  I needed them and they were there.  Sean couldn’t be in the delivery room since he didn’t want to see the baby (and he’s still never seen her).  Right then out Avery slid, amniotic sac still intact and all.  She weighed 1lb and was 12 inches long.

It was after the delivery is what I don’t really recall.  We planned her little funeral, held her and said our goodbyes.  The next day I was released and we went home to get ready for her funeral which was that day.

I remember her funeral but that’s about all for that day.  We got our dog Hopie then too.  Sean thought she would help me work through my grief and she did, that’s for sure.  I went back to work in about a week but was in a fog for quite a while.

I don’t remember when the fog lifted enough for me to function.  I don’t remember when I smiled again.  I don’t remember when I laughed again.  But it happened.  Then McKenna happened; we got pregnant with her around the 4th of July that same year.

My life, our lives, will never be the same.  Losing our daughter was horrible and I wouldn’t wish that pain on even my worst enemy, but Avery made me who I am today and taught me that life is precious and fragile.  I’d never go through another pregnancy the same either.   Her body is buried in Amarillo, her brother is next to her, but her spirit is watching over us every day.

Compromise, take 2

17 Feb

Thank you all for your comments and support regarding my last post.  Sean and I have talked and I feel better.  We do talk about stuff but sometimes I just let it get all bottled up and it doesn’t ever turn out good! LOL  But, he listened and understood (as much as a man can! HA!) and let me cry.  I got my hug too.

I told him I would make plans for us either in Fredericksburg or Austin for a few days.  I’m looking forward to it.  Ma, get your bags packed, I’ll have diet caffeine free Pepsi for you! LMAO!

I’m so happy that Sean and I are able to talk like we do.  I’m thankful that I have an understanding husband who knows me better than myself sometimes.  I’m grateful that he is the father of my children and will teach his son to be as amazing as he is.