Tag Archives: momma

Time is moving too quickly

8 Aug

Ever have one of those OMG moments? I did tonight.

Even though I think of my angel babies every day I forget sometimes how old they’d be. The days they were each born plays in my head like a movie daily. Yet, they don’t age. I can remember the day we found out about Avery and the day she was born like it happened just yesterday. The pain isn’t there as badly any more; you learn how to cope with it so it’s easier. The day from hell when Jackson was born still stings, the fear I felt is still there and the sense of no control still haunts me. I remember waking up with a damn tube in my throat and the panic I felt when they sucked it out and finally pulled it out because the respiration tech person didn’t bother to tell me what to expect.

Because I still feel all that, it’s hard to believe it’s been almost 8 years. EIGHT years.

And it’s not just with my angels. I feel the same way sometimes with my kiddoes here on Earth. Kenna is 10, where the hell did this decade go? Jay, my sweet baby Jay, is no longer a baby.

Heck, I even remember my wedding day and being so hot in my dress before the ceremony and kinda freaking out a little too. So I guess it’s not just my kids that I wonder where the time went.

Even though I feel like the years have flown, I still feel young. Forgetting all the time how old I am and constantly asking Sean or doing the math. Does everyone do this or am I just losing my mind?! LOL

I think in terms of “how much longer”. I have 6 years till my girl drives and 8 until she graduates and, hopefully, leaves the nest to grow her own wings. Then I think…wow when she’s 16, Jay will be 9. I won’t need a babysitter anymore in a few years either! But geeze, when Kenna is gone what will it be like to have one kid at home again? He’ll only be 11, will he be happy that big sister is gone or will he be bummed because his buddy is leaving?

It’s too much sometimes. And I’ve decided they both need to stop growing! LOL 🙂

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How can you be frustrated…?

26 Oct

I've been getting very frustrated recently.  Angry is more like it honestly.  I guess it's just a good old-fashioned pity party and I usually don't get them too often.  Adoption just seems like a huge long drawn-out process…oh how I wish we could just have Sean jack off in a cup and go inseminate someone…I know, I know, but it would be easier than adoption. I've really started to think "is it worth it all"?  I mean, we have a wonderful daughter, do we NEED another, do we really WANT another?  And yes we do to both counts.  I don't care what color, what race or what sex baby we eventually end up with, I want another child.  And so does Sean, and those that know him knows he's emotionally constipated, so for him to say that he wants another kid, that's something…

 

Can you really hear "Momma, I love you" too much?  NOPE! And can you REALLY have a pity party when this gorgeous thing looks at you?…

 

 

NOPE…no pity parties here…look at what we have already, you just can't beat it!

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